Somewhere, framed in a narrow window, is a forlorn face peering out onto the shadowy mass of his city. Lined with worry, is this face, scrunching into the very image of consternation.
For this poor man and others like him, we have compiled a 5-step plan of how to tackle this particular problem.
Step 1: Acquiring the infant
Most of the unfortunate souls grappling with this problem are parents and have completed this step by default. For the rest, we would strongly advise against kidnap, instead condoning the approach of becoming a parent.
Step 2: Getting the backpack carrier
Congratulations on the new (legal) addition to your family!
Again, we would very much prefer to advocate the legitimate appropriation of the backpack carrier. This is typically achieved by trading currency for the product. Or goats. Goats may suffice, depending on the vendor and region.
If you are without currency and short on goats, we would recommend getting a job. As a goat breeder.
Step 3: The Wonder of Instructions
Hidden amongst the rustle of packaging and the scent of cardboard, is a glossy sheet of paper. Lost in the excitement of unpacking the backpack carrier, many parents forget to consult this sheet of power.
Written here are precise and detailed directions on how to successfully combine the backpack carrier, parent and child. Deviate at your peril…
Step 4: Negotiating with your child
And here is where diplomacy enters the arena. The briefcases are packed, suits pressed, papers fastened with colourful paperclips. No rooms in Geneva were available, so your front room is the stage for the most important process in this entire journey.
Your smallish human sits across the coffee table from you. You don’t offer him coffee, because caffeine is bad at that age. Opening remarks are made with much gurgling and laughter. And then down to business…
Following the instructions, you should place both yourself and your child in the harnesses of the backpack carrier, plying the baby with whatever exchange is necessary for his cooperation. Be it toys, singing or food, it is your duty to persuade this bundle of flesh and cuteness to sit still enough for you to convert him into a wearable item. You will know your baby best, so soothe him using whatever means that you know would work.
Step 5: Success!
Bask in the glory of having successfully put your baby into a backpack carrier! Now you’re free to venture from your home and engage in activities involving your hands – with your little one along for the ride! Ensure you use your backpack carrier safely, as per the instruction document. Other than that, enjoy your newly found outdoor and manual freedom!